The first word i am telling in my self disorder is “ i miss my mom, i miss my father, i miss my brother, and i miss atmosphere in my house and i miss everything in my last”. I may be having some kind of losing-my-own-self-because-of-personal-thought-disorder right now. I am feeling like, I am losing the aim of being alive. I mean, yes I am now in college, having settle education. But that’s that. My life is just too static. I feel like losing my self, or the other word, not being in a society I want. I am too much being alone, handling everything alone. Even when I am too sick, I gotta be thinking 1000 ways how to fix it alone.
Yes, I do have friends. But this is just me who’s being too individualistic or I feel like not belong in this society I am in. I feel like having zero friend. But I get used to be alone. And when it comes to have another people around me, I don’t feel really comfort when I have to do something serious. I’d rather be alone. And yes, eventually I feel lonely.
I need someone whom I can tell everything that’s in my mind, to listen what I’ve been thru in a day, to sit down next to me when I was having a rough day. But then again, I just ended up sitting in front of my laptop, doing some assignments, and telling the blog what I need to spill out. Sometimes I do mumbling to my wall, pretending I was talking to someone. Kinda spooky-me.
I may be too obsessed, or, perfectionist, or, idealist for everything that I do for a living. Like college assigments for example. I like to spend my time in my room, do any possible assignment. Again, alone. I mean that’s just normal. That’s what most collegers do. Sitting down alone in their rooms, do assignments, go online and googling the material when it got stucked or, to make it friendly to hear, as references. And that’s what I do. I am not kind of person who likes to chill out somewhere, being in a middle of junk food restaurant only for getting the free slow wifi. I like to do assigments in a quiet place, the less people are in the better it gets. Yet it’s the reverse of my friends. And when it comes to me, as you can guess, I have no friend. I think the mistake is in me. Yes now, i just want to make my family proud of me i don’t want make my family dissapointed with my lessons and my activity in the college. I MUST BE SUCCESS.
So, yeah blog. You hear me. You hear my mumble. And thank you for hearing listening me by the way.
0 komentar:
Posting Komentar